Trigger warning: mentions of dieting, references to needles/injections (through discussions of diabetes), body image concerns.
- Written by Nicole Dickson
Like many of us, my adolescence was filled with trying desperately to find myself in amongst the chaos and craziness of becoming a woman. With the trend of low rise jeans, the Next Top Model series and magazine covers plastered with the latest fad diets, it was nearly impossible to not be bombarded with ways I could ‘improve’ myself - be skinnier, prettier, more socially acceptable.
This experience is not unique to me. Unfortunately, it’s a common theme: during adolescence and throughout our journey to self-discovery, we encounter societal expectations that tell us how we should look, act, and feel about ourselves.
And although this particular experience is not mine alone, I would love to take a second to tell you my unique story. One of mountains and molehills, that has allowed me to become the established woman that I am today who doesn’t give a s**t what people who don’t know me think and who is comfortable in expressing my confidence and sexuality in a way that brings me comfort and happiness.
Growing Up with Type 1 Diabetes
Something that is unique to me (or at least a smaller percentage of people) is that at one year and nine months old I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes (T1D).
My personal struggles here began more internally during adolescence. Where others may be critiquing their bodies and dieting to account for this, food for me was associated more with pure survival. I have never had a completely flat stomach (and likely never will) and to tell you that I was fine with this my entire life would simply be a lie. Having meat on my bones was necessary for me - much like everyone else - however it was also needed for me to be able to administer my insulin pump. For me, this was primarily attached to my stomach, so the needles used to insert my insulin pump needed a layer to be administered to.
This meant that when I went swimming, for example, and those with me were in bikinis and showing skin, that I saw what was different about me - a body with a little more cushion and a medical device that was always attached to me. This made me different which, at the time, I viewed as lesser. I would always wear high-waisted clothing and swimwear and was self conscious of drawing attention to my stomach, lest someone start asking questions.
Learning to Love My Body
Moving out of adolescence and into young adulthood saw me being exposed to more. More people, more experiences and more ways of life. It is easy to get stuck in a rut, to become so internally focused that you simply cannot see beyond your own negative perceptions and the small things that you feel reinforce these pessimistic views.
I won’t delve into the full extent of how my diabetes has affected me throughout my life or we will be here all month - however simply know that when left untreated (this also applies to any negative mindset and mental illness) that this will snowball - it is easier to refill a small hole than allow it to erode to a point where a simple shovel will no longer get the job done.
During adulthood I not only have my insulin pump (a pager-like device that is connected to me via an insertion site that remains on my stomach) but also a Continuous Glucose Monitor that is an eraser sized device that I wear on my upper arm - these remain on me at all times.
Diabetes affects people in ways that others may not even conceptualise if it isn’t brought to their attention. For me, I hook my insulin pump onto my bra, which means that I generally don’t wear very low-cut tops otherwise my pump (and bra) would be on display, kind of like a diabetes version of Iron Man! It means that I cater clothing to what will work to keep these devices out of the way, but still easily accessible. It also means that when wearing anything revealing that I have to consider the fact that these may be the first things people notice about me - thus, I rarely wore anything revealing.
How Boudoir Helped Change My Perspective
Now, I love dance and performance, and as an adult I wanted to get back into this as a hobby. It turns out that doing so would send me on a journey that I would be forever grateful for. Upon signing up to a Pole Dance/ Fitness studio, I became exposed to not only different body types but also different body functionalities and *gasp* revealing clothing!!!
Being involved in the pole dance community also opened me up to the world of boudoir, not only because I would later come to work for an amazing woman who I shared many pole dance classes with, but also as it opened me up to alternative forms of self expression - like boudoir!
Boudoir for me is a mindset. While for some it is simply an industry with more seductive and scantily-clad imagery - for me it has allowed me to express my body and sexuality in a way that I am comfortable with. It has shown me that everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) has a light within them that deserves to shine.
Where I would have previously never imagined showing off my stomach and wearing minimal clothing, it has shown me that my body is beautiful. That yeah, I can wear low-rise clothing and that sitting in a way that might produce rolls in my skin is not a BAD thing, it makes me human. It means I’m alive.
Misconceptions and Authenticity
Boudoir is a facet of the world that is not always in the limelight. It can sometimes be viewed with negative first impressions due to its tangential association with the p**n industry and adult content themes. I have many opinions on this, but the main one is that at its core, it’s about self-love.
Whether you are doing a photoshoot to reclaim your body, to enhance your self-love and body image, or you are doing it for commercial purposes, it still remains that lingerie photoshoots allow you to put your best, vulnerable, authentic self forward.
I LOVE that within Angel Eyes specifically, seductive and nude photoshoots are not inherently about s*x as a primary end goal (although if that’s your intention upon showing your partner your images later… HELL YEAH!) - but that is not what the session itself is about.
Especially in the way that Angel Eyes operates and the style of images that we take, it is about showing yourself in your rawest form and being proud that you have done that, then viewing your images and realising (or reinforcing) that you are, in fact a goddess and an absolute badass. It’s about knowing that being in minimal clothing and being confident, and that looking different is okay. This has been a godsend in my personal journey of appreciating my body.
A Message to My Younger Self - and to You
Nicole in her adolescence could never have imagined confidently walking into a room wearing lingerie style clothing and being comfortable!
She would have thought of how she was being perceived. Were people looking at my stomach, my lack of thigh gap, the devices I wear? Would they be judging me for thinking I deserve to wear this clothing? Would they think a certain way about me?
To be at a point in which I want people to ask questions about why I’m comfortable, about why I wear these devices, about how I got to this point, simply so I can enlighten them to the industries that have led me to not consider the opinion of those who don’t matter, is insane and incredible.
A Reflection on my Journey
After being so internally focused for so long, being able to stand here and understand where my thoughts were misguided is more than young me could have ever asked for. Viewing yourself through the (literal) lens of someone else is so important to ensure you don’t let negativity fester and that you come to realise that the things you think may be a detriment to you are actually beautiful and brilliant to those around you.
I am so beyond proud to be associated with Angel Eyes and that I get to share my thoughts, experiences and journey with others who may need to hear it. The fact that I am able to assist in opening peoples eyes to a journey in which they can also reclaim a part of themselves and fall more in love with themselves is something that I am eternally grateful for.
Ready to Embrace Your Authentic Self?
I want to encourage anyone who has read this post or that is considering delving into the boudoir scene, to DO IT! You are not alone in your journey and if you are like me and believe that this would be beneficial to your mindset and sanity, a boudoir photoshoot and joining our amazing community is the perfect way to seek authenticity and pure self-expression.
You best believe that our community are your hype queens and will be there to tell you just how amazing you are - I encourage you to check it out!
If you’re interested in finding out more about our lingerie photoshoots and are looking for a Brisbane/Gold Coast boudoir photographer, you’re more than welcome to organise a chat with our amazing Studio Manager to go through all the ins and outs or fill out the Form at the end of this post!
Feel free to lurk on our socials too where we’ll post about our amazing clients and show you the magic that can happen!
- Nicole Dickson xx
Before I show off some more of my favourite images from my sessions, I'd also like to feature this amazing client below.
She's wearing a Continuous Glucose Monitor too! And I was so excited when I saw the same little device in her snaps! How gorgeous is she?!
More favourites from my sessions...
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Boudoir by Angel Eyes
Celebrating You. Capturing Confidence. Creating Memories
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